“Not long after Arthur Miller, the intellectual playwright, began dating Marilyn Monroe, the sexy movie star, Miller told his mother that he was anxious for her to meet Monroe in the near future. Miller’s mother suggested that they come up from their apartment in New York to her home in Connecticut for dinner later that week, and Miller passed along the news to Monroe. Monroe, who was famously insecure, was particularly nervous about this meeting, since she desperately wanted Miller’s mother to approve of her so that Miller would feel secure enough to propose to her.

On the day of the meeting, Miller and Monroe made the two-and-a-half hour drive without stopping. Probably owing to her nerves, Monroe desperately needed to urinate for much of the trip, but she was afraid to stop at a public restroom along the way because if she was noticed by fans it might cause a commotion that would cause them to be late. Therefore, after Miller and Monroe were let into Miller’s mother’s house and pleasantries were exchanged, Monroe quickly excused herself to use the adjacent restroom.

When Monroe closed the door, it occurred to her that she was still very much within earshot of Miller and his mother, so, being as self-conscious as she was, she decided that the most ladylike thing to do would be to turn on the faucet while she did her business. That way, she figured, she could avoid the embarrassment of being heard, while claiming to have been splashing some water on her face.

Meanwhile, as the water ran audibly in the bathroom, Miller and his mother sat down and began to make small talk. Eventually, Miller got to the point and said, ‘Well, Mother, what do you think of her?!’ Miller’s mother paused for a moment to think about how she wanted to phrase her response. ‘Well,’ she said, ‘she’s awfully pretty, but from the sound of it she pisses like a racehorse!'”


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